TINY PANTS: Mama, I think you should have a baby and give it to me and Big Pants.
MAMA: Well, what about when you went to Daddy's house? What would you do with the baby then?
TINY PANTS: Oh, I'd bring it to Daddy's.
MAMA: I don't think Daddy would be on board with that.
TINY PANTS: But it would be me and Big Pants' baby.
MAMA: Babies cry all the time. I think Big Pants would prefer a puppy.
BIG PANTS: Totally!
TINY PANTS: But they are on sale! We can just order one and go pick one up. See? I circled it in my catalog.
Sure enough, he had circled the baby posing with a toy in the advertisement several times. In sharpie. He meant it.
Still, I wasn't entirely on board with the idea. If I have another baby, I am not planning on giving it to a kindergartener to raise. I'm just not going to do that no matter how much he begs. I've seen how often he feeds the fish, which is never.
Instead I got him a baby doll that says "Dada" as well as "Mama." You can give it a fake bottle and if you pat its back it burps.
He loves it more than I even thought he would. He is completely nuts about the baby, even though he hasn't assigned it a name or a gender yet. I went to post a picture of him opening his new baby on Facebook and I paused.
I don't want him teased. I don't want people to think he's a sissy. I want to remind everyone that boys grow up to be fathers, and we all value fathers. I want to say he also loves magic and building things and hockey. In other words, I want to rationalize it as if it bothered me.
Now wait, I can recite all the lyrics to William Wants a Doll from my Mom's Free to Be You and Me album. Big Pants has a few dolls. I never had a problem with it before. Why do I now?
Tiny Pants has been teased a little in his life, not much, but just enough to make me want to murderize people and question if I made him into a target. Tiny Pants is my baby. I can't stand the thought of anyone making fun of him. Also, Tiny Pants is much more of a "boy's boy" -- he's really into hockey and would never dream of wearing a dress. He has a few sporty friends that I don't trust to be as understanding.
But you know what? Screw that. I love my kid, and I love that he loves his baby, and I'm proud as hell of who he is. And I'm proud I found a doll that burps.