Sunday, February 9, 2014

My Child is Trying to Make Me Look Like a Crack Head

My Child is Trying to Make Me Look Like a Crack Head.

Or a lunatic.  Certainly like the kind of mother who doesn't give two turds about her kids' art projects.  

Here's what happened:

Tiny Pants had to make his first Valentine's Day box for school.  You remember - you decorate a shoebox and everyone puts cards in it during your school party.  In my opinion, grade school Valentine's Day parties were the best thing ever. We had at least three weeks to make our fabulous box of festivity and love.  We talked about it often over the last few weeks.

MAMA:  Tiny Pants, let's buy some heart stickers for your Valentine's Day box!
TINY PANTS: I don't want stickers.  
MAMA: What do you want to do? 
(My head was dancing with pictures of paper doilies, bits of fabric, and glitter glue.)
TINY PANTS:  I want to tape Snakey on my box.  And my flashlight. And a piece of candy.
MAMA: OK.  We can do that, but why don't we think about it a while longer?
 (Lord, let him change his mind!)

I figured I'd ask again the following week and he would have forgotten. He didn't.

I waited another week, until we were in a store that sold cute heart stickers, etc., and tried to get him to look at them.  Nothing doing.

Let me explain a few things, here. 

1. Snakey is not a snake.  Snakey is a sticky thing that feels like snot.
2. The flashlight is an old broken toy that does not resemble a flashlight in any way, shape or form.
3. I had three colors of glittery glue!! I had stickers!  I had construction paper in a rainbow of colors!

Well, the box is due tomorrow, so it could be put off no longer.  Tiny Pants shunned my letter stickers and hand-wrote his name, then taped a marker to the side of the box and declared it done.

MAMA:  Don't you want stickers?
TINY PANTS:  Well, maybe a tiger.  And a lion.  And a Cheetah. 
MAMA:  Do you want the letter stickers?
TINY PANTS: I wrote my name already.
(Let the record reflect that he wrote his name so badly that I couldn't even read it, and I already knew what the letters were supposed to be. Can you say, not the biggest effort?)
MAMA:  What about the heart stickers?
TINY PANTS:  I'll just use these swirls.
MAMA: This heart came off by accident.  Do you want it?
TINY PANTS:  Well, OK, but just one.

I should be proud of his alternative view of Valentine's Day mailboxes.  I should realize that his art is not in any way a reflection of me.  I just can't help thinking it looks like some stoned mother handed her kid some broken toys and a roll of tape.  And did I mention the cat chewed on the corner of the box?

Found Art: An Interpretive Collage.

At least no one will accuse me of taking over and doing it for him. And he loves it.  He had a vision, he did not waiver from it for twenty-one days, he fought for his vision, and it turned out exactly how he intended.  In the end, I'm proud of that.

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