Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Last Night I Broke My...

Image: paxarcana

I fell magnificently on the ice last night. It was a cartoon-worthy flight where both feet went out from under me at once and I landed on my back. My hat fell off.

Image: solodialogue 

It hurt suddenly and completely. It has been years since I have felt that instant infusion of blinding pain that is accompanied by an involuntary scream. I had to lay there for a while in a way that made me feel both childlike and elderly.

Today I feel like I spent the night starring in some sort of spanking pornography photo shoot. (By the way, if you happen to google "spanking porn" you will find a whole lot of disturbing images not fit to add to your blog. The internet never fails to be impressively disturbing.)

I am walking gingerly. My whole pelvis hurts, but the pain is mostly radiating from my right ass cheek.  I'm indignant at the location of my contusion.  It's somewhat humiliating to have a sore ass cheek. 

What's even worse is that I have no impressive bruise to validate my mincing walk.  I look exactly the same as I did before I broke my ass, so for all purposes I look like a major whiner.  If it 's going to hurt this much I should have a massive purple spot to corroborate my tale of humiliating misfortune.

However, even if I had an impressive bruise I would want to show it to everyone, and there are few social situations where it is acceptable to drop trou and show everyone your bruised ass. And I might forget that it's not ever socially acceptable in my quest for validation that yes, I am really injured, so I suppose it is for the best. sigh. 

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