Saturday, January 11, 2014

I Think my Children Have Been Replaced by Alien Robots

Tiny Pants walked into the kitchen. "Do you know what you are Mama?" He asked.
"Totally lovable!" he proclaimed, then turned around and walked out of th kitchen. He didn't even ask for food. 

"Mama, can you make me some toast?" Big Pants asked.

"Sure," I replied, "Did you get enough bacon?"

"I didn't really like the bacon."

I took his plate into the kitchen, barely unable to contain my glee. I had four pieces of bacon to eat guilt free! (everyone knows cleaning up after kids does not count as breaking your diet.)

It was only after I had scarfed down two pieces of bacon that it hit me; my children were being a little weird.  Being sweet for no reason.  Not eating bacon.  Sleeping through the night in their own beds.  Plus, the internet was loading slower than usual.

They must have been abducted and replaced with alien robots. I walked into the living room, where Tiny Pants was saying, "I'm loading, I'm loading, please wait, please wait," either in imitation of the Roku or because he was communicating with the mother ship I am not sure.  I looked in his ears. I peered in his mouth. I prodded his soft little belly. I found no proof.

But that doesn't mean I won't. I just need to be trickier about it. Tiny Pants has, after all, watched the skydiving episode of Ruff Ruffman five times in a row this morning. I think he is gathering data.

"Mama, can I lick your glasses?"

Yup, things are a little weird around here…

(Dog is currently humping the cat, so obviously they are not robot aliens. Interspecies love is something I think robot aliens would not try to replicate.)

So I pulled up this picture and asked Tiny Pants deep down inside, which one he was.


"Deep down insde? Easy, Mama. I'm the cute orange one. Can't you tell?"

Can't fool Mama.

Update: Tiny Pants has stolen a photo of a voltmeter from his brother's science fair poster and is running in circles yelling, "Must dance with it! Must dance with it!" 

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