Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Girly Crushes

(the original image can be found here )

A straight girl fell in love with me this week.  Not romantically, and not really sexually in the way in which we traditionally think.  Here's what happened:

A drunk girl who purported to be 23, though I think she might have been 18 and using a friend's ID, sat down next to me and started talking.  She was very, very drunk.  She went on and on  about how beautiful I was, how I was out of my companion's league, and what great eyes I have.  She also told me that I "looked 35 but was probably 39, like her mother." Like a bell, those words could not be un-rung, and now I viewed her not as a fellow bar mate having a good time but as a child looking for a mother when she was drunk and confused.

Baby Girl went on to tell me what girls she might make out with at the bar, of which I was clearly not one, even though she insisted on having someone take our picture together so she could Instagram it.  What she had, was a fawning -- a girly crush.  

Females have ambiguous friendships with blurred lines between "friend" and "significant other," especially in the early years.  We get possessive of our friends. We are jealous, admiring, and competitive towards each other. When we meet someone new, sometimes we don't know if we want to be them or kiss them, and a lot of straight girls get drunk and kiss their friends, not so much because they want to be sexually active with them, but because they are drunk and happy and saying this person is more than just a friend to me, and we are having a slightly wild good time.

In life, the quality of my happiness has been affected more by the absence or presence of a good friend than by almost anything else. As a grown up, it is hard to make new friends. It's easy to meet dating prospects, but it turns out "Adult Friend Finder"  is not a website to help you connect as platonic friends.  Who knew?

I have been happily married and still lonely for a friend. I have been a stay at home mom and lonely for a friend.  I have been a single mama and lonely for a friend.  I am not supposed to admit that friendship is intrinsic to happiness, but it is, and nothing is as exciting as making a new friend.

There's a giddiness to it, that finding of someone that appears to be of your tribe, and if you are like me, your tribe is made up of weird people that are only weird in a certain way that is compatible with my own brand of weird.   If I were more normal it would probably be easier, but then life would be a lot more boring for everyone involved if I were less weird. Still, the chances of randomly running into someone who is weird like you is small, so when it happens, it is just this amazingly happy thing, like the feeling of cruising down the street on roller-skates. 

So, although I did not return Baby Girl's enthusiasm, I get it. I know where she's at, and where she isn't. She's just another lonely girl, trying to find a friend, in a world where that is hard to do.

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