Monday, June 3, 2013

Things I Didn't Buy and Underpants that I Did

In case you were wondering what I did yesterday...

I did not buy the following items:

1. A vintage sweater on etsy that I will not link to because there is only one available and you may buy it before I decide if it is really too expensive or not.

2. A tiny working telescope necklace:

3.  Or this Coo (yes, coo, like cow.  I didn't name it):

I also did not accept a free kitten that was offered to me via email and I did not buy a house. 
 I also did not buy this necklace:
Although if it wasn't lab created or kinda cheesy (thanks, Titanic, for ruining it for me) I might have bought it.  I have like thousands of occasions where I need a large sparkly item, or at least I have thousands of occasions to which I want to wear a large sparkly item whether it is necessary or not. Really -- ask anyone who knows me in real life.

I did eat an Italian sub and watched The Princess Bride which I bought instead of renting because it is one of the awesomest movies ever. 

I also wore new fabulous underpants that I recently obtained (using money, not purloined using the 5-finger discount) at my local Target.

No, I am not posting a picture of my new underpants.  I am, however, going to blog about them.

My mother always called them "underpants" instead of panties or underwear.  I call them underpants because it is childlike and therefore inappropriate and funny.  My ex calls them underwear, so my kids thought underpants were for girls and underwear were for boys.  
I corrected them - underpants are for everyone.  

When I was 10 and in the 5th grade my sister told me that if you can't feel good about your underwear, you can't feel good about anything else you are wearing, and this is cold, hard, truth.  All underpants should be cute and comfortable.  Ugly undies will put me in a bad mood but tight undies put me on the verge of ballistic. 

Here's the problem with underpants: they tend to shrink up a bit or sag out a bit (depending on the style) so after awhile they are no longer like slipping into a dream, but you have invested as much money on a pair of U-trou* as you might have on a pair of pants that you can actually be seen in public in, so you don't want to throw them away.  It's a dilemma.

Luckily for us, cute and comfortable underpants can be obtained at Target nearly around the clock at a fraction of the price.  Once you luxuriate in new dreamy-soft underpants, you too can resist buying all the fabulous items listed above. (Except maybe the sweater I still think I want and therefore am not showing you.)

*U-trou is a term I stole from my beloved college roommate's mother.  I believe it is either an abbreviation for Under-Trousers or it is French.

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