Saturday, May 4, 2013

Wishing Lights are on the Rise


Wishing Lights.  Chinese Sky Lanterns. Those tissue paper balloon things with a burning wax square inside that go up, up, up, taking your wishes to a place they can come true. (I'm a sap, I know. It's ok. You can gag if you want to.)

About to lift off

I always get the added satisfaction of knowing that in a trailer somewhere some imbecile is looking up thinking it is a UFO and grabbing their tin foil hat. 
Look, Ma, it's Another Freakin' U. F. O.

If you have never set them off, they are fairly simple. However, Chinese must be an incredibly complex language to translate.  Here's some directions in English (written by me, not taken from a package) and English as translated from Chinese:
ENGLISH:
1. Attach wax fuel thing by pressing the wire through the hole. 

CHINGLISH:
1. After the distribution of fuel to packaging equipment Kong Cross wire in the side of the field again deduction presses The fuel-pressure lock firmly.

ENGLISH:
2. unfold.

CHINGLISH:
(no instruction given)

ENGLISH:
3. Hold out and spin in a circle.

CHINGLISH:
(Chinese factory assumes you are a dumb schmuck if you don't know this part, so no explanation given here, either.)

ENGLISH:
4. light four corners of magic wax light thing.

CHINGLISH:
2. A person wishing light take up a Top. Another person fuel ignited the four angle.

ENGLISH:
4. Hold gently by the bottom until the balloon tugs and pulls, trying to rise.

CHINGLISH:
3. Wait for that the heat enough light, lanterns person lest loose A top hand changes grips under the light to encircle, Has when the lifting force may let go releases for flying.

ENGLISH:
5. Make a wish and let go.
CHINGLISH:
4. Wishing light rose slowly the sky, do not forget Wishing oh ***


The factory included special instructions that I would advise you follow as well, most notably:

Wishing light are on the rise, that of the flying, cannot the long time not put, and the Flight not to be append the foreign body.

Just meditate on that one for a while. You will see it is sound advice.


And finally: 
Children must be under the eustody of the adults use.

Keep it clean, folks.  The adult's use of children could also be for cleaning and folding laundry. Or translating directions into foreign languages.


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