Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Why I am not DTF Zombies

Why I Hate Zombies

I know, I know. I'm intolerant.  Zombies are cool, yo. EVERYONE loves zombies.  Except for me.  Know why? They are scary and eat people and dogs and children. I don't care if they need love too, they ain't getting' it from me.

I don't know why everyone else loves zombies, but smart people have actually done a study about it. read it here. Apparently they have put thought into whether zombies are a comment on a decaying economy or whether zombies are the new proletariat. Either way, they eat your brain.

I just watched I am Legend with Will Smith, who plays a bad-ass Blood-Eating-Mutant killing scientist.  Good movie, except for the vividly depicted angry blood-eating-mutant part.   Yes, I know they are not zombies, but they are like cousins to zombies, so I'm lumping them in together.  Stereotyping.  Whatevah. They all want to eat me so pardon my lack of precision.

My dear friend E has this shirt (OK, not exactly this shirt, but a very similar one):

Which you can get here for either gender - Zombies ain't homophobic.  Look - I have just said "ain't" twice in one blog. Zombies are eating my brain.

Now, if you don't know whatZILF means, it's the zombie version of MILF, and if you don't know what DTF or MILF means, don't google it, as it will probably offend you.  For the rest of you, though, here's some hard truth:

There is no Zombie ILF.  Do you know why? They smell bad and eat people.

Do you know who ILF?  Scientists developing a cure to un-zombie zombies.  I would ILF them regardless of they were men, women, fat, thin….you cure zombies or blood-eating mutants, you are so going on my ILF list.  

Which leads to me what is wrong with this world.  Too many people ILF zombies and not enough people ILF smart people who may have a long-range solution to zombies.  Many people ILF zombie-fighters, but zombie-fighters can only have a limited impact on the world, and will eventually get eaten.  Scientists could kill/cure all  zombies, and live to eat your meatloaf and pretend to like it.

1 comment:

  1. So many things I could say that would only get me in trouble so I'll just say I smiled out loud through this whole blog.


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