Wednesday, May 22, 2013

What Evil Lurks Down the Hall


"Look at me, Mama!  I'm surfing!" Big Pants proudly exclaimed while doing what I think more accurately should be described as a 'tail stand' as performed on a  skateboard -- except he was doing it on my digital scale.

This was followed by, "Look, Mama! The scale is stuck on 54.2!"

Awesome! I didn't pay any attention as I was trying to coerce two boys to brush their teeth and go to bed. About an hour later I happened to notice said scale was rapidly scrolling through every number it could count.  When it got back to zero I stepped on it out of curiosity. 

It went back up again, and hovered at two pounds below what I weighed in at this morning. Score!  But then it rose. And rose.  And stopped at 30 pounds more than my current weight.  While I know it is possessed by the devil, it was interesting that the exact number it stopped at was my highest non-pregnant weight ever - a number a scale has not reported in over 8 years.  It was taunting me.

I decided that the only possible way to make this right was to sacrifice it with a sledgehammer in the front yard, seeing as there was no handy volcano to throw it into.  However, there is currently a thunderstorm brewing complete with lots of lightning. I'm suspicious enough of the evil scale's motives to realize this was probably a ploy to get me out in the rain so it could electrocute me, so I will have to plot its demise more stealthily. 

The nagging question is how am I supposed to go to bed tonight knowing a sinister scale with impure motives is right down the hall from me? Do I encircle it in a ring of salt? Cover it with garlic powder?  I did remove one battery - one is permanently stuck - but I am not sure that is enough to contain the evil lurking inside it.

Feel free to post suggestions on how to deal with the sinister scale. If I survive the night perhaps I will organize a mass scale destruction.  You can bring yours and join me.

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