Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Dangerous Douchery in Rochester Suburb


My friend's stepfather is a crossing guard, as in he carries a stop sign and helps children cross the street safely. Children, not convicted felons, rabid animals or other undesirables.

(My apologies to anyone who is, was, or is in love with a convicted felon or  a rabid animal. I mean no offense, I just needed a group of racially and socioeconomically diverse people that other people don't feel warm and fuzzy about.)

Small, innocent little kidlets, the kind that you or I might have given birth to and would not want to be Frogger'ed while crossing the road.  (If you have never heard of or played Frogger, you are not the right demographic to read my blog.  Go google it.)

Said stepfather was helping child cross the street - let's assume a sweet child, not the snotty-nosed kind you want to poke with sticks - and a man ran the stop sign, endangering said sweet child and stepfather-crossing guard.  Crossing guard yelled something at the truck, justifiably in my opinion.  It may have been "Watch where you are going!"  It may have been "Nice driving asswipe!" It may have even been "You don't deserve to drive- you douche-canoe!"  It doesn't really matter.  Yelling things when someone tries to mow you down is instinctive. 

The man in the truck pulled a U-ie and came back to yell at crossing guard who just saved some kid from becoming sticky red jello on the pavement.  Crossing guard, being sensible, un-road rage type of person (which we hope all crossing guards are) walked away from the guy instead of continuing the fight.

You know that's not the end of the story…wait for it…


The man in the truck floored it in reverse and hit crossing guard.  With his truck. Mowed over the crossing guard.  Assaulted a person armed with a stop sign with a weapon that weighed approximately 5,000 pounds.  Even if the crossing guard was obese, there's no way that would be a fair fight.

And why?  Because he yelled something when the man was endangering innocent lives.  Because he was doing his job, holding up a stop sign when children were in the intersection. 

Yes, there were witnesses and yes, the police are investigating. But if you thought just because there were witnesses there would be an immediate arrest, you are wrong.  Apparently immediate justice is only for vigilantes.  I trust there will be justice, though probably not to my satisfaction.  I think fair punishment would be to put him in an empty swimming pool, and give a bunch of little kids and crossing guards small go-cart/bumper car type vehicles to chase him around for an hour.  At the end of the hour when he was good and tired and a little bit banged up the crossing guard he hit would be given a big truck and allowed to chase him down and hit him just once.  (See how I evaded the gun debate?)

What do you think fair punishment would be? Comment below.

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