Monday, May 20, 2013

Childish Assholishness

My kids are assholes.  Ok, generally they are sweet, adorable, well behaved children.  Except when they are being assholes.

If you have just started reading my blog, I have two boys, almost exactly 2.5 years apart.  Both are academically gifted, and neither of them can speak coherently.  Listening to them talk is like listening to twin-speak.

Big Pants has finally mastered L, C, and J, leaving him with only a nagging R difficulty.

Tiny Pants can't say L, C, J, and R and has developed a slight lisp -- I think just so he can top his brother in something.

My kids are mega-bonded to each other, probably because in the back and forth world of having two houses, they are the only people they see every single day no matter what.  They are best friends and play together mostly without incident.

Except when they are being assholes to each other.  Their favorite thing to do is to tease each other about their inability to speak clearly.

Big Pants: Mama, what did he say??? I can't understand him!

Tiny Pants: Say R. rrrrrrrr.  Say R!  Go look in a mirror and practice so I can understand you!

Now, part of me is glad to see them bicker, because I often worry that they are too close, and aren't developing separate identities. But do they have to do it in the area that both of them struggle with? If they could speak coherently, they would, and they both should know that.  (I, of course, always had the clearest elocution imaginable as a child.  Really.)

How do you deal with your children when they are being assholes?  Because it turns out that you aren't supposed to call them assholes.  God help me if they ever find my blog.


  1. Best first sentence ever "My kids are assholes". Rock on, mama. They all are sometimes.

    1. Thanks! I feel guilty seeing it in type, but figure I can't be the only one to think that on occasion.


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