Monday, April 8, 2013

I want to give unsolicited advice and fail - apparently stupidity is rewarded


I was at the grocery store yesterday and saw a man wearing a shit that stated in six inch high letters:

NICE STORY

BABE

NOW GO MAKE

ME A SANDWICH


He was about 5'10",  trim, not pumped up like a balloon animal, but not particularly skinny or fat.  I suppose his online profile would read, "average build." He was completely bald and not horribly attractive or unattractive. In terms of the attractiveness spectrum, he would rate a four - slightly more unattractive than average.

So my first thought was to ask, "How's that shirt working for you? Is it the babe magnet you thought it would be when you put it on this morning?"  But then I noticed he had a girl with him who appeared to be around 15 years old.  I couldn't exactly tell if it was his fifteen year old wife or daughter, or his 15 year old wife-daughter, as I was in a rural community and these things happen.  (Actually, they happen in big cities as well.)

At any rate, the 15 year old wife/daughter (or wife-daughter) was proof that some women find this shit attractive. If she was his daughter, that means that someone either slept with him or wanted people to think she had slept with him and wrote his name on the birth certificate, and if she was his wife/girl friend that meant she was most likely sleeping with him currently.*  Really, the only story that made any sense was that she was the wife-daughter and had been kept in a closet against her will her whole life until she married her daddy (or step-daddy, if you need a level of separation from the incest).

Hunny, run. There are men out there who don't broadcast their inability to make their own sandwiches on their chest, and they need love too.  Or at least they need sandwiches.  Here's a thought:
Women Shouldn't Make Sandwiches for Men Who Wear Stupid T-shirts.  I must go to moveon.org and start a new petition.




*Currently, not presently. I don't mean she was sleeping with him at the grocery store, although the wait in line might have been more interesting if she had.

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