Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Unsolicited Advice to Martha Stewart

I just read this article while watching Martha Stewart serve meatloaf on the Today Show.  I am not sure why 8:25am is meatloaf time in Martha Stewart world, but it is a mistake.

Dear Martha Stewart,

Many people love you, and are loyal to you and your brands in spite of your checkered past and tendency to piss people off a lot.   Your own daughter turned on you and wrote a book about why she thinks you sucked as a mother

Now, I am aware that many men are ruthless in business and get away with it.  It is possible that a woman who has made her living on perfecting the art of home making is held to a different standard as say, a man running an oil company. I'm not going to say life is fair, or that you are wrong, or whatever.  You are who you are, and that is someone with a lot more money than I have so I can't really say how it is in the business world. (See? I waffle and reassure. That's my style, deal with it.)

I will say this: No one wants meatloaf at 8:26 on a Tuesday morning. It reeks of eating last night leftovers for breakfast because you are too lazy or hungover to rustle up some eggs.  

I understand you may have done breakfast to death. You may be sick of breakfast. But go in that kitchen, whip us up some delightful morning-appropriate treat using common ingredients we are likely to actually own, serve it on your signature plates with matching napkins  and a side dish of chocolate covered anything and we will love you more.

OK, I suppose some people might be planning dinner at 8:25 am, but if you are planning dinner all day, arranging your shopping around it, etc, etc, you can do better than meatloaf. Unless, of course, you serve meatloaf on a Meatloaf'ed theme night, where you play Paradise by the Dashboard Light  and walk around in bad eighties clothes rubbing your distended bellies.  

It is also possible that some people want meatloaf recipes. If they do, I would recommend they watch this classic Roseanne episode:  It has feminism, humor, and everything you need to know about meatloaf.

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