Friday, March 1, 2013

Lessons Learned at a Hockey Game


We went to a hockey game last week, one that featured free hair and face painting, balloon animals, and sign making materials. It turned out to be fairly educational, so I thought I should share a few things I learned.

1. There are nice grown-ups, there are mean grown ups, and there are just plain stupid grown ups.  All three can be encountered at a hockey game, apparently.

There was the nice man in the pure white sparkling-clean jersey in front of us in the nacho line, who only laughed when I tried to keep my kids' freshly painted day-glo red heads away from him.  He just assured me it washed out easily.

There were the three adult men who snuck into our "better" row (their seats were higher up) and then refused to move to let us out. If one is sneaking into someone else's row, they should at least be courteous.  

And there were the balloon animal line people. 

We were the last in line for the balloon animals, and so were given a sign made out of a balloon by the balloon people that read, "Last In LIne."  This did nothing to stop people from queuing up after us. I kept informing them that we were the end of the line while carefully showing my balloon sign.  Some people stormed off cursing. Many people looked confused and needed further explanation, prompting Big Pants to tell me, "Mama, they aren't using their reading skills!" I refrained from saying that I wasn't sure they had all their teeth, let alone reading skills.

2. The wearer of the Big Pants is apparently a bloodthirsty little bugger.  Yep, sweet Captain Emo, who cannot get through most Disney movies because they are too scary/sad, was screaming, "Check him!" at the top of his lungs. Apparently sports-related violence is totally ok. 

3. Tiny Pants has honed his manipulation/ harassment skills to a new level.  I insisted we buy ONE order of nachos and ONE order of popcorn, so Tiny Pants kept his hand hovering over the popcorn bag in order to block his brother from scarfing popcorn, even though there was a plethora of popcorn.  The looks he shot his big brother over snacks made me worried he had a balloon animal shiv. 

4. People in large mascot animal costumes are not scary, unless they approach you in a large, unfamiliar environment and it is an hour past your bedtime.  Then they spark sheer terror in children. I wasn't prepared for small people bursting into tears when the six-foot dog approached.  Silly me, I was like, "Oh look, here's a dog twice the size of you with blank, staring eyes and no discernible affect coming to grab your hands!"  Scream and run, good children!  Live to fight over popcorn another day!

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