Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Homework Avoidance

There is nothing like homework to make me want to clean the house, or work on my blog, or play a board game with the kids, or give the dog a bath.  As soon as I open my textbook, I am struck with an overwhelmingly urgent need to knit tiny booties for the fish, but first, I must learn to knit.  Luckily I have a book to teach me how to do this, but no needles, so I must go to the store and purchase knitting needles and a craft-kit to occupy my kids so I can keep those precious fishes' tiny fins warm this winter.  

Ok, not really.  But in the time it took me to answer 10 of my math problems, I also checked my Facebook 7 times, read email in 2 accounts, texted 3 people, did 5 jumping jacks (I swear my butt was getting larger by the minute, and I could feel blood clots forming in my legs) and started 2 blog entries.  I also participated in my other class's discussion board, hugged the cat against his will a few times. let the dog out and in again and drank a can of diet coke. I now feel a great Homework Manifesto coming on that must be written down immediately, before I forget it.  I must make sure to document my objection to the word "subtended" for all of humankind.  This is clearly more important than finding the area of a parallelogram.  It reminds me of the little protest signs I doodled on my math folder in high school that read "Down With Math."  (See, I was articulate and clever at a young age.)

Next, I poured myself a glass of wine.  Note to Readers: Math and Wine don't mix. Wine and blogging, wine and housekeeping, wine and a lot of other things, ok, but wine and math, no. I no longer cared about finding the circumference of a circle, or of anything else. Although, now that I think of it, I should find the circumference of the fat rat terrier sleeping next to me.  That would be fun and educational, with the added bonus of irritating the dog. But first, I should pay some bills. Paying bills is important. It is necessary. So is printing off my insurance cards and doing my taxes.

I have the perfect excuse for not doing homework - the kids are at Daddy's.  My seven year old loves to sit on my lap and "help" me do my math.  He takes his brother's toy cash register (which is also a working calculator) and calculates the numbers I give him, and recites the answer to me.  It is educational and bonding.  If I were to do all of my math homework without him, he might miss out on an awesome personal growth/parental bonding moment, and that would be bad parenting. So I paid one bill and checked Facebook two more times, and considered posting a 10-minute play I just read and loved to my writer's group. Because all of that is way more important that finding the density of a cylinder. 

Here's why: something marvelous has been invented called the internet.  If, for some odd reason, I need to know the circumference of anything, I can type it into my preferred search engine and get the right answer, every time.  What I can't  do is use my search engine to spend quality time with the kids, clean my house, or torment the cat.  Therefore, it is a simple matter of economy.  I need to do what only I can do. Not math. Down with Math.

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