Sunday, February 10, 2013

Call to Bikini Action

Dear Victoria's Secret,

Please stop sending me emails out your latest bikini catalog.
You're messing with my Zen.

Only Mama

I have a body. (Surprise! I'm not a talking head!)  It is not exactly the body I came with. I have modified my body, not through plastic surgery, piercing, or tattoos, but through child birth.  I thought it faired well after two pregnancies, but as time goes on, I can see that things that stretch don't always go back exactly the same way.  I'm actually pretty ok with this.  I'm nearly 40, and I'm ok with looking like a hot 40 year old.  I don't want to be 20, and I don't want to look 20. 

That being said, I have to say I miss bikini season.  I would rather look great in a one piece than a little past my prime in a two-piece, but I really don't like it one bit that my bikini days are gone. (I am tempted to post 10 year old photos here to prove I once had excellent bikini days, but that will serve nothing. Enjoy these dogs in swimwear, instead.)

I think we should be able to opt-out of bikini catalogs.  I think Venus swimwear, Frederick's of Hollywood, and Victoria's Secret should send out catalogs of awesome sexy things that hide your stomach, and come in the mail with indirect soft lighting.  

I know what you are thinking; it's February. I know!  Please join me in a letter writing campaign not only banning bikini catalogs being sent to people mourning their youth, but also that no bikini catalog can be created before May 1st. It's time to take action!


  1. I appreciate this. I recently have made a change to my diet routine and have added a bunch of weight back on. I guess if I got the catalogs a few weeks sooner I may have waited to gain. Sometimes I can't win.

  2. When I get too thin, I get too wrinkly. You just can't win.


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