We went to the pool today. I love to swim inside and watch the snow falling outside. It is truly one of my favorite things to do in the winter. However, it is also a good use of this blog to kindly instruct my "gentle readers", as Miss Manners used to say, about some of the finer points of pool fashion.
1. To the man with the shaved sides long in back quintessential mullet - it didn't work in the 80's, and it certainly doesn't work now. I can only hope you lost a bet.
2. To the big man with lots of dark body hair and the old white swim trunks - white swim trunks turn transparent in water. Dark body hair makes this more obvious. If you insist on wearing a transparent suit, you might want to consider bleaching your hair blond.
3. To the boy who looked 17 but must have been 18 at least due to the amount of tattoos he was sporting - OK, I'm not saying you will tire of your ink. I'm not saying that you will outgrow it. What I am saying is that a good 40% of your body is covered, and you have a long life to live. Give yourself some time before you fill up all your "canvass" because someday you will want to get a new one and all your skin will be used up.
4. To the hot mother in the Brazilian cut bikini who's ass was so perfect it looked plastic or airbrushed - I get it. You have the perfect ass. I am not sure why it looks 15 years younger than your face. While some people might feel the Y is not the appropriate place to wear a bikini that only covers 40% of your backside, I get it. You probably don't have a lot of places to wear it in February. Because I don't have girls, I won't ponder the effects it might have on your 10 year old daughter who was wearing a only slightly less revealing bikini. If my ass looked like that, I probably would flaunt it, too. I am only grateful that my seven year old son didn't notice and make comparisons to my own backside. I think a lot of women make snarky comments about women like you because they fear their own backside is inferior. I know mine is, and I'm ok with that. I will just stay underwater until you leave, with my face proudly out of the water, because I read that article that said an extra five pounds will make you look younger and fill in your wrinkles, and it worked.