Wednesday, January 9, 2013

In Which I discuss Karma and inadvertently teach my children to skip school (subtitle: reason #42 why I hope my ex never finds my blog)

So the kids and I were discussing Karma the other day; I don't remember how it came up, but I was very excited to have this discussion. Perhaps too excited, it turns out. 

There are three things that have been said of me:

1. I lack common sense
2. I have an under-developed sense of self-preservation
3. I talk too much

All of which come into play here.

So I am trying to explain karma to the boys, explaining about how doing good things brings forth good, doing bad things brings forth bad. I am warming up to the topic and the warm light of Heaven is beaming from above onto my shining face. 

"Karma is like when you pretend to be sick to skip school and you get sick for real the next day."  I explained.

Ding! Dong! Ding! 

"You would play sick to get out of school? Did it work? Why would that make you get sick? Did Nana let you stay home? How did you play sick?" The rapid fire questions from both my sweet, innocent children alerted me to the fact I have made a colossal error in judgement.

I tried to recover, i tried to explain that pretending to be sick was bad karma, but their literal, logical little minds could not digest this.  Finally I just said it never worked, ever.  

Yes, I just lied to my children, because of course it worked - I was really good at pretending to be sick to miss school. I was also really good at writing fake parental notes to get out of school early for made up doctor's appointments, but at this point realized the truth was not going to serve me well.  I fell back on an old standby; changing the subject.

A week goes by, and I feel like I might have muddied up the discussion, but at least I told them IT NEVER WORKED and MADE ME GET SICK FOR REAL and that should put the idea out of their sweet minds. 

Yesterday I get a text from my ex-husband: four year old Captain Destructo is playing sick to get out of preschool.  My ex is convinced Destructo is faking, but let him stay home anyway. Destructo then attempted to fake being sick to go to Mama's house a day early, but that half of the scam was unsuccessful. 

Ah, em, I have no idea where he got that idea…..please don't read my blog...

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