Friday, January 11, 2013

Fritos are not an appropriate dinner for 4 year olds, but they are for grownups. Here's why:

                                                  original image:

Fritos are not an appropriate dinner for 4 year olds, but they are for grownups. Here's why:

If you are going to be risking your lifelong development of healthy eating habits by maxing out on carbs and salt, you need to:
1. Have earned it.
2. Feel horrible guilt and regret.

Four year olds have not had to deal with entertaining a preschooler all day. They have created havoc, reveled in havoc, danced on the coffee table with the joy only a havoc-er can experience, and maybe knocked over the fish tank, or tried to. They deserve alfalfa sprouts, not Fritos. 

Four year olds still look cute with a fat belly and chubby knees. If you do not have to suffer guilt from packing on the pounds, you do not deserve Fritos for dinner.

Four year olds have perfect skin. If you are going to indulge in Fritos as a meal, you need to be risking something beyond nutrition. Oily aftermath is not a word four year olds understand.

Ditto with carbs.  Four year olds are always hungry every five minutes, so the carb loading and resulting I need-to-eat-now-or-I'm-going to-kill-you carb withdrawal is lost on them. 

Have you woken up looking like a giant marshmallow from indulging in too salty of a salty snack? Four year olds don't mind this! They are naturally round and cute! They never squeeze their muffin top and howl at the gods. 

Four year olds put Fritos on their nose or in their nose, or in their brother's nose. They don't savor the Frito. They don't relish and cherish the fabulous perfection of the Frito. Instead, they drop them on the floor and feed them to the dog. Frito Scarcity results.

Frito scarcity results in an unstable parenting environment. Everyone suffers, especially Mama.

My Fritos. MINE. Eat some carrots and go to bed!

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